Our mind is a noisy place. In 2005, it was found that the average person has about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day. Most of these thoughts are fleeting or uncontrolled. However, whether we recognize this or not, some thoughts have a bigger impact on our mental health than others. In consequence, it’s inevitable to take control of our own thoughts in order to result in a healthier and more mindful life.
Here are some helpful words and phrases I say when I am trying to take back control of my thoughts. We all struggle from time to time, but there are ways we can guard our worlds with our words.
1. Being positive isn’t pretending you’re always happy. It’s about choosing to find the good despite it all.
A piece of advice, it is impossible to live without failing at something. And if you fail, you can either let it shape you, or let it tear you apart. Just make the decision to learn from it and grow, and I promise you will not regret it.
2. Beating yourself up over the past won’t do you any good now.
I want to let you know that it is totally okay not to be okay. If you’re currently having a hard time, please remember how far you have already come. Please remember everything you have already gotten through. Please remember every morning you got out of bed no matter how difficult it was. Please remember all the times you wanted to give up but you still got through another day. Please never forget how much strength you have learned and developed. Everything is going to be okay. The truth is, if you want to be happy, you have to be happy on purpose because happiness is a choice, not a result. There are going to be good days, but there are also going to be bad days. And those bad days are not going to define your life. Please remember that you are blessed and that you are loved. Recovery takes so much time and it’s not going to happen overnight. Just keep trying, and trust the process.
3. Boundaries are for you, not them. Forgiveness is for you, not them.
The world can be a very mean and nasty place. It’s tough, and it can beat us to our knees. Furthermore, we all have our vices, attitudes and flaws. Sometimes, we’re hard to deal with and sometimes, we’re not easy to please or to impress – and this is the reality of life. It’s not about living or aiming for a happily ever after fairy tale because this honestly does not exist, even if people or the media try to tell you so. Life is a constant battle, and it’s so important to find something you’re willing to work and fight for. It’s so simple, yet so hard to achieve. Please always remember that you are a fighter and that you are stronger than you think. You will stumble and you will fall, but you will stand back up and keep fighting. You are good, you are strong, you are valuable, and your happiness is worth it. So, if you decide to wake up every single morning to fight the same demons that left you so tired the night before, my love – you are brave and I am so proud of you.
4. Things will pass. Things will get better. Peace will find me.
We always end up right where we’re meant to be. Everything will be alright in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end. And if you are currently struggling, please talk to somebody, even if it’s an internet friend. It does help, talking really helps. Always keep fighting and remember you are not alone. Please don’t give up on yourself.
5. I know and respect my worth. Took a minute, but I’m here now.
We have to allow ourselves to say what we mean and what we want, and I understand how difficult that can be. Everyone is so scared of being themselves and everyone wants to hide and keep everything bottled in, and I realized that I’ve been doing this for a while as well – thinking I could do everything without other people’s help. And I think a lot of our generation particularly are not allowing themselves to be vulnerable because the trend seems to be so heavily focused on independence and perfectionism. We all try to show off, and create this fake vision of ourselves without showing our flaws and negative feelings. Living in a society where nobody wants to be reliant or needy, we’re conditioned to believe that asking for help or becoming emotionally vulnerable to others is weak and should be avoided at all costs because it’s just not attractive. No one dares to show how vulnerable they are because it’s scary, it really is. Being vulnerable means not only letting guard down, but also risk. By expressing our thoughts and feelings, we risk being hurt, and we risk being rejected. And this fear is keeping us from building those real and meaningful relationships that we are all craving so much. Being vulnerable is challenging and it is frightening, but we are all deserving of unconditional love, support and empathy. It takes practice, being vulnerable and being your truest, most honest self. It sounds so simple, yet in this society it seems crazy. But the day you find someone who will appreciate your honesty and vulnerability as rawness is the day you’ll realize what true happiness is.
6. Your worth or beauty is not measured by a number on a scale, or the width of your waistline.
The scale can’t tell you how many challenges and obstacles you have already overcome in your life, or how much you’ve grown emotionally. The scale can’t tell you how loved you are, how much you’ve touched the lives of others, or how much you are learning and growing every single day. Think about all of these things just for a moment. We have to realize that although we do not look like that one person we saw on instagram the other day doesn’t mean that we aren’t good enough. And realizing that we are good enough is so important, I cannot stress this enough, especially if there’s a voice in our heads that is trying to tell us we aren’t. Your worth or beauty is not measured by a number on a scale or the width of your waistline. Let’s start to work on that fearful voice and start living again.
7. Calmness washes over me with every breath I take.
It’s time to finally end the war on ourselves. We have to remember to love our bodies for what they do to us. Being the happiest version of ourselves doesn’t mean being the smallest or leanest. Being healthy is going to look different on everyone. Life is too precious to put your energy into beating yourself up. Please be kind to yourself, you only have this body.
8. You are more than the things that have been done to you.
You are constantly changing, and so are the people around you. And one day, you will wake up, and you will no longer have to bear all of these burdens anymore because you will get through this, but until then, I want you to be strong and I want you to hold on. Please remember that the hell you are currently burning in won’t last forever.
9. Choose, everyday, to forgive yourself. You are human, flawed, and most of all worthy of love.
In times of struggle, I want you to remind yourself that you are still young and that you are not supposed to have your whole life figured out yet. Please remind yourself that tomorrow is a new day – a new chance to try again. We have to learn to love our bodies and give them the respect, love and nourishment they deserve, and I understand that this journey can be absolutely scary and tough. Not every day is going to be a good day, but as long as we keep fighting and trying to accept ourselves, that’s enough, am I right?